journey to healing my finances
Goal: Receive 30 No's in the least amount of time possible
Since September 2022, I have been running a project. It is called "30 REJECTIONS" and it lives and is being nourished in a Google sheet on my drive. The project is based on an idea in the book #existentialkink by Carolyn Elliot.
As human beings, being raised the way most of us were - understanding love and belonging through approval, compliments, and success – many of us are in a continuous struggle for exactly that: Approval, compliments, success. And we try to avoid situations where we are rejected at all costs.
Which means, you really limit your possibilities!
This pattern becomes even worse when you are either a performing artist, or self-employed in any field where your income is kinda sorta directly connected to you persona. Understandably, this pattern goes out of hand. (examine for yourself 😉)
So, what is the antidote?! Heal the fear of disapproval? Heal the struggle, the unfortunate parenting? Feel it all? Well, yeees… and:
You could also play a game! The thing is, just as with any pattern you dissolve in working on yourself through coaching and healing in a safe container, there comes a point in time when life gives you a chance to apply the new behavior in a real life scenario.
The idea of this project is a combination of inner work* with a sort of “exposure therapy” :D
S P I R I T U A L I D E A L I S M
When it come to finances, a lot of self-employed people I know, a lot or artists and especially my spiritual peeps here (I love you!!!): You, myself included, tend to become a little idealistic about how money should be coming to you. There is a specific way / job / channel through which you want to receive money – and even though you say you are open to it coming in differently… you really aren’t. You want to believe it, but you don't. You know you should be open to the universe surprising you, but you are way too stuck in your mind to reaaally be open. And thus, you close off to a lot of possibilities that might actually be right under your nose. You basically put a fence around your playground…
You see, when you are asking the universe for money, it might give you money… or it might give you opportunities to make it! 😊
Back to my project: So far, my preferred income stream I had been fixated on was through clients or singing engagements. However, I found myself at a crossroads where I really needed to make a decision. And the decision was I wasn't gonna deal with that pressure anymore.** I was gonna pull myself out of that whole of recurring debt, no matter what. And as a first step, I decided to stop that idealism thing about my income stream and, slowly but steadily, I just applied for any job that I saw that I felt I might enjoy to some degree. Go out there and collect rejections!
C O L L E C T I N G R E J E C T I O N S
Now, what is this all about? Collecting rejections isn't just about getting your a** up to do stuff and get your ego out of the way, it is also about allowing yourself to feel the sensations of rejection in your body. Since you are attracting this feeling, you might as well allow yourself to feel it without resistance.
How do you know you have been attracting this feeling? Well, since you have been avoiding exposing yourself for fear of rejection, means that the feeling or rejection / sensations of feeling rejected already exist in you. You have just haven't allowed yourself to feel them. This project, allows you to consciously and deliberately experience those feelings...
Feel it as if it was the most delicious sensation you have ever felt!
Collecting rejections also does not mean you behave like an asshole and go for things that don’t matter to you. Go for the things/ people/ situations/ jobs that matter, or that you feel like somehow you could enjoy them and give it a good shot. In fact, give it at least 30 shots at collecting rejection in the shortest amount of time possible.
I know this all sounds weird and kinda out there for a lot of you, but I wanna tell you something. Trying is better than not trying, sitting in your fear of rejection or spiritual idealism. After all, has it been working?
And... Who knows? You might just, accidentally, collect a few Yes’s on the way? Yes?
By the way: Doing this does not take a away from the desire for income to come through a specific channel!
W A S I T W O R T H I T ?
Hell yes. Since September, I have been applying for all sorts of different jobs, most of them in the field of the performing arts, some of them in social work and education.
I received 33 No's
I received 4 Yes’s
...out of which one is a job as an actress in an educational theater program for children, which is about sexual abuse prevention. I have never learned so much about acting and embodying different character as in the rehearsals for this program! It is also one of the most purposeful ways I have yet been able to share my art.
With 3 of these Yes’s, I actually had the freedom to say No myself. How's that for a change?
There is one audition that I am invited to, which is still coming up (#fingerscrossed) as well as two more really cool opportunities that found me literally out of nowhere!
And as for my preferred channel:
Several clients found me without me looking for them, I have a speaking engagement
and a performance with my ensemble coming up next month!
You see, the channel through which I wanted my finances to come did not close – it actually opened!
M I N D S E T A N D E M O T I O N S
I feel a lot more ease in my system. I realized how closed-off and stubborn I had been before. It truly feels like an opening to life and the possibilities it presents.
I stopped pushing for “my way” and instead began asking:
“How, and where, can I be of service?”
I began connecting to my heart intentionally pretty much every day. As a result, I have become happier, more at peace within myself and trusting life. And yes, it is an ongoing process – that is just life and I came here to live! 😊
I will never not grow in some direction, and even when my body dies, I hope someone will plant some tulips on my soil, lol.
So, here we go… I decided to keep the project going even after 30 rejections, just for the
heck of it. I take it easy and play the game – and my account balance has been positive for months for the first time in years. My spiritual gifts keep developing. I took the pressure off.
Where do you need to collect rejections?
Namasté from my heart to yours!
FRIEDERIKE
* O N I N N E R W O R K
I have worked and continue to work with: systematic introspection through a questioning process inspired by C. Elliot and energy clearing inpsired by Christie Sheldon. I use parts work and follow the feeling processes. And I keep exposing myself to new information through audio books. I challenge myself again and again. And, most importantly: I do things I love, whether they be hobbies or whatever. Love and joy change our frequency like nothing else!
** O N P R E S S U R E A N D " H O L D I N G U P T H E E N E R G Y "
If you are in the spiritual field like me, you certainly have come across a lot of money coaches who tell you it is all about the energy and you just have to hold the energy up and money will come through whichever way you desire. Keep spending graciously, because 'you're worth it' and 'charge your worth'.
Well...
While I generally, 100% agree with this, there is also something to say for the energy of denial. I personally have not met one single person, who was able to just "hold the energy up" when they were under financial pressure. None. The people I see trying this, hanging on to 'spiritual idealism' just keep wondering why nothing works.
I believe it is totally about your vibe and all, but if you are not there - and all you try to do to get yourself there or force yourself there, or if your energy keeps fluctuating and it causes you stress and worry all the time, maybe it is time to open up to other ways, yes? By all means, go all-in on the energy! If you can do just that. I bow to you. That is certainly a freaking amazing skill. Most people I know - even money coaches - are the ones who hold up the energy w h i l e a c k n o w l e d g i n g r e a l i t y and seizing opportunities that are under their nose. ;)