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Oh, sweet resistance...


You always have my back

you make me look away

when I am blinded by the light

you care for me

when I become too adventurous

you really love me

for who I am right now

you love the way I am

and you would do anything

to protect me from changing

Oh, sweet resistance!

You care for me so much


 

The other night, I had a date with my resistance.

In fact, I had been having this date for the whole week before that day, but resistance had it that we would meet at the latest moment possible.


Dear reader,

before I go on, let me explain what I mean by resistance in my field of expertise: You know these things that are good for you, but you cannot get yourself to do them? Like drinking more water, eating healthy, doing your vocalizes, working out, breathing deeply, going for a walk without your phone, switching off social media, calling that friend...?

The reason you don't do them is thanks to your resistance. Resistance is a push-back. Most of the times, it comes along either as thoughts, such as 'I will do this tomorrow' or 'She probably won't be available anyway' , or a sort of nebulous feeling that just keeps you from doing 'the thing :)' and pushes you back into the familiar pattern. Sometimes, resistance comes in the form of clear emotions (and then it is actually surprisingly easy to dissolve).


I probably don't have to tell you that resistance is rooted in fear. There is something about 'the thing' that feels scary, even if you consciously don't see anything to be afraid of.


The reason I am writing this is, there is a trend in the coaching and healing scene that goes like this: "Push past your resistance!" "Do it anyway!" "Don't listen to the fear!" (...)


Or, when it comes to healing and accessing deeper wounds, there is a tendency to ignore the resistance and get to the wound or the pain you know is underneath. Especially if you know yourself, or if you have experience with healing modalities that require accessing deeper emotions, you are likely to fall into this category. Kind of like "I want to access that, I know it is there and that's where the healing is, so I will just try (aka force) myself to feel this now!"


Well.


It is actually not about pushing past or ignoring the resistance. In fact, that could be a very harmful thing to do. I believe there is no such thing as self-sabotage and there is no resistance without a reason.


The path to success leads through the resistance. Instead of wanting it to go away, or trying to push past it: Become curious. Explore your resistance. Feel it. Caress it. Listen to what it has to say. There is a whole other level of healing possible through exploring the resistance first. Because what you will find is that often, your resistance is a part of you that loves you a lot! It loves you so much it doesn't want you to feel more pain. It loves you so much it doesn't want you to access whatever is underneath, because it associates something terrible with it.


So, love your resistance the way it love you.

For love is the only force that melts walls.




And afterwards, go for THE THING :)


And if, now, you still feel a little bit of resistance, it is okay.

Love it, hug it, caress it - and do it anyway!


xoxo

Friederike


 

PS: Need help loving your resistance? This all sounds very difficult and confusing? That's what I am here for.

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